Monday, August 1, 2011

Today is the first day...

...of the rest of my life.

Today I am forty-two years old. And it's time to make some changes. I've spent the last year and a half in a state of fear, denial and emotional pain. I've also made some really smart moves and I'm proud of myself for what I've accomplished. I've made some stupid moves too. Things that I'd rather forget than dwell on. But none of us is immune to the occasional dumb decision. Today I'm putting all of it behind me, taking a deep breath and focusing on the future.

I have no idea what that future holds. But I intend to take it all one day at a time, make the best of it and cherish each and every moment.

I do know that I have an amazing group of friends. In real life and in cyber space. And ALL of you have been an invaluable support system for me. I can honestly say that if it hadn't been for each and every one of you I may not have gotten through everything and don't know that I'd be where I am right now. A few people need to be thanked personally..

Mom and Dad... I love you more than I can possibly express and I am forever grateful for your constant support.

Deb and Pete, you and the girls ARE my family. Thank you for believing in me. And for putting up with my constant seesaw of emotions, late night knocks at your door and my seemingly endless supply of tears. You have stuck by me, held me up when I needed it and pushed me to go after my dreams. I love all of you with all of my heart!!

Grace, Mary, Linda, Denise and all of the other "Midnight Mamas", thank you for being my cheerleaders, my soft place to fall and the place I could let it all out without fear of judgement. I love you all dearly!

Peggy, thank you for showing me that strength IS possible in the face of terrible things. Your amazing strength and resilience has been a HUGE inspiration to me. And thank you for reminding me that with God all things are possible. I'd lost sight of that recently and your incredible faith brought it back to me.

Jeannette, thank you for listening, offering support, love and advice when I was at my lowest. Your friendship is a blessing.

Alana, thank you for listening, offering support advice and a simple cyber hug whenever I needed it.

Amy I, thank you for your support and always making me giggle when I needed too.

Tracy D-S, thank you for being my "sister from another mister" and for believing in me no matter what. And yes we WILL meet someday. We'll drink wine, laugh and have a blast!

Amy M, thank you for always having a kind word for me and offering me support when I was feeling down and out.

Randy P, thank you for making me smile, and even laugh, when I didn't think I could. I don't know if you were even aware that you often made a bad day a little bit better.

Mike V, thank you for listening to me and helping me through so much of this with your advice and suggestions. I have appreciated it more than I can express.

John L, thank you for always jumping in and reminding me that there are many people rooting for me and who want to see me succeed.

Stephanie B-G and Stephanie R-M, thank you for your kind words, your support and for always making me smile.

Susan V and Dawn B, thank you for always commiserating with me and cheering me on. I admire both of you for your strength and resilience. We WILL come out on top no matter what!

And finally...

Shithead (private joke), Thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. For reminding that I AM worth it, I AM strong and I AM capable. Thank you for inspiring me to go after what I wanted. While many people have had an impact on me in the last year and a half you were the one who truly "got me" like no one else ever has. And you will always have a special place in my heart.

I'm sure I'm forgetting someone. It's not intentional. So many of you, in all kinds of ways, have made this difficult time a little easier. Please know I am grateful to ALL of you!

Luv -n- Hugs,